• Top Ten Ways The World Could End

    WORDS BY OWEN JAVELLANA

    world10

    In these dark times of recession, war, global warming, and a Jonas Brothers TV series, it’s easy to feel that the world is on a Lindsay Lohan-esque downward spiral. But when the glass seems half empty, remember: it could always be worse. Here are scenarios of how it could all hit the fan, on a global scale.

    10. Natural Disasters

    natural disasters

    Pretty self-explanatory. But everyone always thinks of the obvious ones. Earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis… no one’s watching out for the underdog natural disasters. Like fog. I’d rather enjoy that, actually. It would be like apocalypse via minor inconvenience. It’s less jarring that way.

    9. Meteor

    meteor

    While a chosen few will get to ride a shuttle into space with Bruce Willis and stop the meteor like in Armageddon, the other 6 billion of us will fight for spots in the government’s underground shelters like in The Other Movie About a Meteor. Which is bad news for me, since “compiling Top Ten lists” and “napping” are not on Uncle Sam’s list of skills needed in the new world.

    8. Robot Uprising

    robot

    It starts with vacuum cleaners that can steer themselves. Then it’s vacuum cleaners that look like humans. Next thing you know, it’s vacuum cleaners that can form global armies, travel through time, put us in the matrix and maybe… just maybe… feel love.

    7. Ragnarok

    ragnarok thor copy

    Christians believe that when good people die, they get to go to heaven. Vikings believed that when good people die, they get to fight alongside Odin during “Ragnarok,” an apocalyptic battle of gods and monsters, where giant wolves swallow the sun, the world serpent fights Thor in mortal combat, and the whole of creation is consumed. In other words, the world becomes a heavy metal album cover.

    6. Alien Invasion

    alien

    All probing aside, if there’s anything I’ve learned from Gears of War, Halo, Predator, District 9, Predator 2, and Marvin the Martian, it’s that when any aliens arrive, hostile or not, they will have awesome futuristic weapons for us to steal and dual-wield, once again reaffirming how savage/gun-crazy/badass we simple earthlings are. And I want to be there when humans finally get ray guns that strangle a man with his own bowels.

    5. Zombie Plague

    ZombieHorde

    This one is a no-brainer (pun intended). Mainly because it will be movie geeks and video game nerds who’ll save the day with their anime replica swords and vast knowledge of zombie lore, finally getting their chance at being the hero, instead of stupid jocks who think they’re so cool but will probably get turned into zombies and die and NEVER MAKE FUN OF ME AGAIN!

    4. Regular NON-Zombie Plague

    epidemic copy

    Not gonna lie. This one will suck. Remember the last time you were sick? It’s that. Until you die.

    3. Ice Age

    ice age

    The best part of an ice age apocalypse would be when I’m huddled around my dwindling campfire inside the frozen ruins of a Walmart and I turn to my friends and say “Hey at least we don’t have to worry about global warming!!” And then they would say nothing, because I ate them a long time ago.

    2. Whatever Happened in Waterworld

    Waterworld3

    I didn’t watch Waterworld, but I’ve seen enough to know almost the entire world is covered in water, and everyone dresses like 2pac in the “California Love” video, only they’re ALSO PIRATES, combining two of the most awesome things ever.

    1. Nuclear Holocaust

    nuclear holocaust

    I don’t mean an actual nuclear holocaust, which would be horrible. I mean a sci-fi nuclear holocaust, where you come out of your bunker and you and all your (remaining) friends have extra mutated appendages, and all the streets are empty and every day is Looting Day! It would be like the scene in Home Alone where Kevin realizes he has the whole house to himself, only it’s the whole world, and everything is charred and miserable.

    So take a tip from young Kevin McCallister. Even when the chips are down, and it seems like you’ve been abandoned, and the thieves are at your door with nothing but paint cans and Micro Machines keeping them at bay, sometimes you’ve just gotta suck it up, order a cheese pizza, and say “Hey, at least I’m not enslaved by a robotic vacuum overlord.”

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    Comments ( 112 )

    obviously #5 makes the most sense. but if not….7.

    s.willzNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 11:18 am
    My vote goes to a meteor ending it all.. although, it’d be cool to go out battling zombies.

    Jeff FlowersNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 11:44 am
    I’m for Ragnarok without the chance of getting my face bashed in.

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 11:49 am
    that waterworld film sounds really cool although the film title does sound like a water park. i think the best way the world can end is the ice age coz it would be cool if it took a few years. like in the day after tomorrow it all happens really fast but what happens if it all happens really slowly like over a few years and no one realises what is happening until its too late. so it starts off as a cold winter and slowly it all turns sinister….. x

    rebeccaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 1:29 pm
    I think I’ve proven to Odin that I’m a worthy warrior.

    Okay no, no I haven’t. But I think I’m at least worthy to hold the warriors’ things while they fight.

    Owen JavellanaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 2:12 pm
    Nice Avatar Bro.

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 3:43 pm
    A few X-Files-esque scenarios come to mind.

    MaekoNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 9:12 pm
    thanks man.
    i am officially an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

    Owen JavellanaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 09 09 at 10:04 pm
    Waterworld was actually on UK TV (ITV2 I believe) a couple of nights back. You are indeed lucky to have no watched it!

    Any way, amusing article! Thanks

    SEO ManNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 10 09 at 1:17 am
    California-nia…knows how to party.

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 10 09 at 8:26 am
    @Owen J, dude, I wonder if Battlestar Galactica insignia was inspired by this?

    Or if giant birds are kind of just… well, generic.

    http://farm1.static.flickr.com/109/264866203_e742f47261.jpg?v=0

    MaekoNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 10 09 at 10:40 am
    yeah, i think everyones just on giant birds’ jock when it comes to making a cool official symbol.
    makes it hard for other noble animals that are less symbol-worthy.
    like the manatee.

    Owen JavellanaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 11 09 at 10:47 am
    Everyone’s on giant birds’ jock = Everyone’s on giant cocks’ cock

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 11 09 at 1:43 pm
    Dude its looking more like global warning every day with how much snows outside but it ud be much more fun hearing about zombies on the news rather than the same old

    canvas printsNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jan 07 10 at 3:33 am
    I’ll go with the robot uprising. Being overthrown by T.V sets, P.C’s, Vacuum cleaners and even household Printers and the like has a nice ring to it.

    Photo on Canvas manNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Mar 02 10 at 3:42 pm
    I will the happiest person if ever the world turns into ice totally. It will just kill us so softly. :) Not just that, because personally, I love cold weather.

    Photo to CanvasNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 10 10 at 12:33 am
    I am going with nuclear. The photo of NYC would make stunning, moody canvas prints

    canvas printsNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jul 08 10 at 5:34 am
    Unfortunately it will more than likely be No1.

    acrylic printsNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 10 10 at 12:36 pm
    Thanks for an entertaining article, I’m going for zombies or aliens! And I agree with the previous poster – these pictures would make excellent canvas prints.

    Canvas ArtNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 27 10 at 12:50 am
    I would preffer the world ends of aging, even though making out of it href=”http://www.magnipic.com/”>photo on canvas< would be a bad idea…

    canvas photoNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Mar 17 11 at 4:13 am
    Probibliy 5# plus it would be awsome to die will killing zombies with a AK-47 in one hand and a katana in the other.

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