7 Things That Suck About Growing Up
WORDS BY OWEN JAVELLANA
Aside from the obvious things like getting a job and paying bills, there’s a lot that sucks about putting away childish things. Who better than us, the generation that coined “quarter-life crisis,” to highlight these often-overlooked growing pains?
1. Nostalgia
There exists some natural phenomenon that makes every generation believe that “kid stuff” from their childhood was unfailingly great, and kid stuff today is idiotic crap. Case in point, for some reason I once thought Clarissa Explains It All was a good show, but new stuff like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody makes me want to disembowel myself.
2. Slow Metabolism
Growing up, I could’ve eaten my weight in McNuggets and Snickers and call it a good day. Even in high school I could tear through Funyons with reckless abandon, giving no thought to carbs or calories. And I dunno about you guys, but now my meal choices are governed by portion control, Splenda, and trying to convince myself that exercise doesn’t suck.
3. Higher Film Standards
Grown-ups are hard to please at a theater. But I wasn’t always concerned with lofty concepts like a movie’s “plot.” As a young, starry-eyed lad, my criteria for a good film used to consist of very few questions: Is it animated? Are there good guys that fight bad guys? Is the voice of Robin Williams involved in any way? If the answer to any of these was “yes,” I probably loved it.
4. Planned Outings
Seeing your friends was simple back then. No Evites, no “catching up,” no “when’s good for you?” no RSVP, no rescheduling, no Facebook Events, no Facebook Event Reminders. It was simple: What? School. Where? School. When? Every day.
5. Kids Nowadays
In a nutshell, they think they’re cool, they have no respect, they dress like hooligans, they’re spoiled by new technology, and our cartoons were way better than their cartoons. So basically, everything adults used to say about us.
6. Awkward Small Talk
Kids can just walk up to kids they’ve never met and begin talking about Pokemon, or macaroni, or tell a completely impromptu knock knock joke. Not so with adults. We have to go through some inane, preapproved checklist of topics that includes the weather, the economy, local freeway routes, or sports. And Heaven help you if you’re a guy who’s not a sports fan, cuz let me tell you, small talk is a fucking train wreck of awkwardness. I know.
7. Life Decisions
I can’t even choose what I want from 7-11. They have like 6 kinds of hot dogs and 80 kinds of chips. How am I supposed to make decisions that I have to live with for the rest of my life? Do I trust the Geico Gecko or President Palmer from 24? To quote Simon Pegg in Hot Fuzz when he quoted Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys, “Shit just got real.”
So as you struggle through (or reminisce about) the frustrating transition of “getting your grown man on,” remember that there’s a whole generation facing exactly the same thing, ready to complain along with you at the drop of a hat… often via blog.
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[...] Guess what? Growing up sucks! [...]
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Original blogging since 1631 » 7 Things that suck about growing up added these pithy words on Sep 29 09 at 11:10 amvery true post! haha about the kids nowadays rant! its my parents favourite conversation to talk about with other people! once theyve done all the small talk about the weather of course! xrebecca
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Sep 15 09 at
9:50 am
I remember feeling the “kids nowadays” symptom, and then I immediately felt old.casanovaruffin
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Sep 15 09 at
9:52 am
well said. oh man. but rly though clarissa explains it all, pete and pete, hey dude, salute your shorts…….. the shit! this reminds me… especially the awkward conversations post to like stop talking about that stuff and say random ass shit. however, that may result in others perceiving me as being refreshing or just plain fucking crazy. as i am typing this i am in my cubicle wearing pearls and a scarf like the mini-mrs. bluth doing accounting. ugh.Paulineowen you’re so cool. i have to say that in every post you write.
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Sep 15 09 at
10:33 am
lol that’s my avatar, Pauline, your avatar is the one below ur comment.casanovaruffin
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Sep 15 09 at
10:45 am
All the chips will kill you, so you don’t really have to decide. Does that make your decision easier?David Leonhardt
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Sep 15 09 at
10:50 am
BTW, I seem to be a black dude, too. Maybe that’s what I’ll look like when I grow up.David Leonhardt
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Sep 15 09 at
10:51 am
i’ve been told that i have an old soul (which is just a nice way of saying i act like my grandma), so i started experiencing some of these literally before i even graduated high school, and it’s only gotten worse since then. i’m pretty sure that 95% of my life is informed by nostalgia for the old days, from the themes of the parties i throw to the clothes i wear to the slang i use. it’s kind of ridiculous. numbers 4-7 are real bummers, too, though i still eat junk food like it’s going out of style and will pretty much watch any movie that comes out without shame. convincing my friends to see said crappy movies, however, is quite a different story.roxanne
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Sep 15 09 at
11:32 am
Kids nowadays picture cracks me up. It’s all true. We’re old. What’s the new generation called? generation Z? God it was nice when I thought I was going to be a famous actress and marry Angel from Buffy; no, not the actor, the vampire..of course.te
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Sep 15 09 at
11:42 am
Man. I feel old. I think I did all these in the same day.Mark Montoya
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Sep 15 09 at
12:08 pm
WORD to #1. I still watch cartoons every now and then, and 100% of the time, I think that no cartoon will ever be as great as Animaniacs was. And all the Batman and X-men cartoons of this generation don’t beat the ones of our generation. The 90s X-men theme song alone is better than the current X-men animated series. And WORD to #3. I remember how much I loved the movie “3 Ninjas” when I was a kid. I saw it again as a 23 year old, and it wasn’t nearly as funny or good as I remember. Getting old sucks, but for the record, Rocky still loves Emily!Camille D.
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Sep 15 09 at
12:34 pm
@Camille Dude I googled 3 Ninjas pictures and found some gems that we all might enjoy.casanovaruffin
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Sep 15 09 at
12:55 pm
Oh I love this post… so funny and true!!The Seekerxoxo
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Sep 15 09 at
2:52 pm
@Pauline haha thanks!!Owen Javellana@Camille you are awesome for the Rocky loves Emily reference.
and on a related note, Mike Myer’s “So I Married an Axe Murderer” is NOT as funny as it was in 1993. not at ALL.
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Sep 15 09 at
5:13 pm
wtf where’d you find the picture for #5??The RockWEST SIDE.
btw feel you on metabolism. Wolverine would have no such problems. (sigh)
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Sep 16 09 at
10:23 am
Good post. I’ll rant a bit. There’s the internet for you.Hiro Protagonist1. Nostalgia
This is a good point. Sadly though, it seems that most people stiffen gradually as they age. Generations keep to similar patterns of understanding of the world, and as such it takes a long time to change these patterns.2. Slow Metabolism
I’m one of the lucky few. I eat what I want, when I want and have almost zero variation of my weight (excluding xmas). I’m still young, in my thirties, so this very well might change soon, but a lot of my of equally aged friends share this worry.3. Higher Film Standards
One word: OhThereIsSomuchCrap!4. Planned Outings
Oh I like that part. Being a grown up includes doing what you want, when you want! =) Thats the part you didn’t have as a child! (Out of work hours that is..)5. Kids Nowadays
Yep. This dates back to Ancient Greece. Probably has a lot to do with #1.6. Awkward Small Talk
I disagree! This has more to do with you than growing up. Just try to avoid the (admittedly many) boring people and I’m sure you’re in for some interesting conversations. Most people will snuff you off, but so what?7. Life Decisions
Don’t worry. You’re going to f’it up anyway. You really can’t spend too much time contemplating this. After all, life is just a journey from one problem to the next. Handle them as they present themselves to you.
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Sep 18 09 at
4:47 pm
Yeah… planned outings can be drag. Getting old means getting busier. Time to outsource the things that get in the way of fun like cleaning.Michael - Fat Loss TipsMike
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Oct 19 09 at
9:33 am
Seems like number 7 and number 1 are related. Those complicated decisions make us nostalgic sometimes, LOL.SuperJeweler
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Oct 21 09 at
8:28 pm
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