• Give Us A Chance! Why You Should Date an Asian Man

    To me, it’s fairly obvious why women should date Asian men. I mean…I’m an Asian guy, and I love me, so why wouldn’t anyone else?

    Then I stopped to think about my monumental failures with women in the past. They probably had nothing to do at all with my ethnicity…but still, if success with women was a route on memory road, then my road was rough, unpaved, filled with patches, and generally confusing. And of course, being a man, I refused to stop and ask for directions.  Reality – man, it’s a sunnuvabitch.

    But enough with my sardonic reminiscences! The lovely (and HILARIOUS) Jen Kwok did me a favor and made the ridiculous music video up above to convince women the world over to take a shot at a young lad like me. Jen, I appreciate the help. I suspect I need it.

    In addition, I came up with five more reasons why wimmenz should date Asian men. Why five? Because five is average. YEAH, AVERAGE, NOT SMALL.

    Fleshy, girthy averageness after the break.


    1. We never back down.

    From breakdance-fighting to arguing incessantly outside of trendy nightclubs, Asian men are notorious for being idiotic while angry. While this means that, from time to time, you will have to yell “JUST WALK AWAY! JUST WALK AWAY!” at us after an unsurprisingly crummy night at a club and some dude looks at me the wrong way and I decide, “Why the fuck not…I’ll fight him!”, it also means that you’ll never have to deal with other men or women insulting you. We will uphold your honor.

    That is, unless, the person giving me an ugly look is REALLY gangster. Or unless we’re in a sketchy part of town and the car isn’t anywhere nearby. Or unless we’re at a dinner with our bosses from work and I don’t wanna piss them off because I’m really angling for that $500/year raise. Come to think of it, Asian men will pretty much only try to fight other Asian men. Sometimes we’ll fight Latinos, but only when we greatly outnumber them.

    *Okay, I’m being a little snarky here. We here at the Steel Closet absolutely HATE it when Asians act all aZn at the club, and we usually laugh at them. But for real though, “we never back down” really means that we only back down for you. We’ll, like, open the car door for you and hold up the umbrella in the rain and buy you nice things from time to time. Y’know…because we like you. And stuff.


    2. We have delicious food.

    If, at some point, you decide to get serious with an Asian man, you will inevitably have to meet his parents. Which is really a good thing, because once you get past the language barriers and how the house smells like it was deep-fried and garnished with weird herbs and the fact that you have to leave your shoes at the door, you will be constantly fussed over by my mom. She will make sure you are fed. She will feed you delicious food. Korean, Thai, Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, Indian, whatever – can you imagine going to a family party and finding steam trays full of galbi or chow fun or lumpia or chicken masala? Ohhhhhhh yeah.


    3. We have AMAZING hair.

    Yeah, Jen mentioned it in the video already. But it’s worth mentioning again. It’s sleek, voluminous, and runs like silk through your fingertips. Did I mention that with the right hair product, it also defies gravity? Because with the right hair product, our hair defies gravity. Like astronauts.

    You’re wet now, aren’t you?


    4. We’re NEVER late for a date.

    You know how some guys use the excuse, “Oh man, I’m sorry I’m late, I had some car trouble” or “Oh, I couldn’t get here on time, traffic was awful”.

    Not with Asian men. Because we all drive Hondas or Toyotas, which are pretty much indestructable so “car trouble” is never a factor. Some of the ritzy Asian guys drive BMWs or Benzes, but they come with free maintenance and 30,000 mile warranties or some other crazy shit like that. What does this mean for you? No cancelled reservations at The Olive Garden because the blow-off valve blew up.

    Also, Asian men drive like bats outta hell, so we’re never late because of traffic. Policemen call those who excessively speed on city streets and highways “criminals”, but an Asian man will just insist that he “drives it just the way you like it – hard and fast.” Fucking ricers. I mean, uhm, YAAAAY ASIAN MEN.

    So yeah…wear your cute new Anthropologie dress and lipstick-red Christian Leboutins and book us a date at Claim Jumper. We won’t be late.


    5. We’re good investments.

    All jokes aside, Asian men are on the rise. We’re naturally good at math, so we go to good schools and become lawyers and doctors and shit. We meticiulously monitor our 401K’s progress, we always have enough money in our checking account, and we have a retirement plan set in place before we’re 30. If you’re tired of layabout douchebags and pot-smoking “artists” begging you for rent money, lemme upgrade you. Date an Asian guy.

    Plus, what happens when Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie start dating Asian men and it becomes a fad, and then all of a sudden it becomes really hard to find a good Asian guy? There will be a run on the market for Asian men when one is spotted on the red carpet with ScarJo. Don’t be left behind. Invest now, and pick up a good Asian guy while there’s plenty of us around. Then you can brag to your friends that you had an Asian boy before it became all popular and played out.

    In short – Thanks Jen. As an Asian man who often goes astray when it comes to wooing women, I appreciate your PSA on behalf of Asian men. Somewhere out there, Jessica Biel is dreaming of me as she drifts off to sleep. All thanks to you.

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    Comments ( 48 )

    [...] Give Us A Chance! Why You Should Date an Asian Man | The Steel Closet [...]

    TwittLink - Your headlines on Twitter added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 11:34 am

    [...] Try an Asian Man for a 30-day trial. If you’re not 100% satisfied, then you get your money back. [...]

    Weekly Round Up | The Steel Closet added these pithy words on Sep 26 09 at 12:02 pm

    [...] Give Us A Chance! Why You Should Date an Asian Man (The Steel [...]

    Korean Gender Reader | The Grand Narrative added these pithy words on Oct 11 12 at 9:49 pm

    happy marriage recipe…

    Give Us A Chance! Why You Should Date an Asian Man | The Steel Closet | Good to Go!…

    happy marriage recipe added these pithy words on Oct 19 14 at 6:17 pm
    Somehow I knew Johnny Tran would make an appearance on this post. Awesome post, AW3

    d-rockNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 8:58 am
    i totally agree that asian guys have the best hair! but they are also the guys who spend the most time and money on their hair. but once i was sitting behind an asian guy on the bus who had staightened his hair like straight up and he had more split ends than me (my hair is up to my waist)! i dont think guys should use staighteners. its just wrong! its like too much x

    rebeccaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 9:55 am
    I agree Rebecca. If it curls, just let it happen.

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 10:09 am
    never late fr a date…lol.

    swillzNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 11:20 am
    I suppose I have amazing hair.
    I just don’t have ALL of it anymore.

    Owen JavellanaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 4:41 pm
    I find it kinda weird that the word ‘Asian’ is commandeered in America solely by those of South East Asian descent – what about the gazillion brown Asian dudes? Europeans generally regard South East Asians as ‘Oriental’ and EVERYONE from Asia as ‘Asians’, which seems a bit more sensible. Although this is probably not the right place to raise this linguistic issue….

    xNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 5:23 pm
    “I’m here to tell you that dating Asians rocks”

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 24 09 at 5:28 pm
    Asian guys are hot. No doubt. I have no problem dating one, or two or three, etc…

    WNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Sep 25 09 at 4:26 pm
    so….. where do i sign up?

    dragonessNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 03 09 at 3:42 pm
    Don’t want to be a jerk here, but I don’t remember saying you could speak completely on my behalf.

    I lament the Asian American community, as we have been reduced to this level.

    The biggest obstacle for Asian American guys in the search of romance is the underlying mentality that we are inferior. Most of us cannot name a single movie produced in the US where a male protagonist of Asian descent wins the girl.

    The first step in erasing what I call the “Asian shame” is to realize that we are all individuals. I do not breakdance, I am not good at math, my biggest flaw is my lack in punctuality, and I’m quite bad with money. I am of Asian descent. Why then do so many others seem to speak out and say what I am not? I know plenty of Asian Americans who do not fit this mold, and yet they too are put under these self-perpetuating stereotypes. This lack of individualization is a result of US propaganda stemming from World War II and the following wars in Korea and Vietnam as well as the rise of communist China. Asians were labeled as the “yellow masses”, a “yellow peril”. With the countries in Asia becoming a legitimate threat, Asian males were feminized in media similar to the hypersexualization of black men.

    The statement “Asian men will pretty much only try to fight other Asian men. Sometimes we’ll fight Latinos, but only when we greatly outnumber them.” exemplifies this point. Are Asian men so cowardly and weak to only pick fights among their own race, or when we “greatly outnumber” members of another race?

    The second step is to realize that although we are individuals, at the end of the day we will still be of Asian descent. “We here at the Steel Closet absolutely HATE it when Asians act all aZn at the club, and we usually laugh at them.” is another statement of particular interest. Underlying the statement is an attempt to differentiate oneself from “aZn” behavior. It is the shunning of a subculture of Asian Americans. It is the quiet whisper of “I am not one of those people”. Directed towards other races, it is a kowtow in an attempt to fit into a country with a less than 10% racially Asian population.

    Kim Jong Il’s presence in this article is nothing short of symbolic; a figure who has amassed his wealth through the exploitation of his people appears with pride on an article drawing arguments on the stereotypes our race has had to endure.

    I am Asian American and I’m proud. I refuse to insult my ethnicity in order to appease. I seek celebrate my ethnicity as part of who I am, not what I should be. I hope you share this sentiment with me.

    guyNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 18 09 at 11:11 pm
    Hey guy,

    I notice, from your essay, that you have taken this article WAY too seriously. And you were also unable to read between the lines. The article was in written jest. To assume that The Steel Closet speaks on anyone’s behalf, let alone a whole race of people, is ridiculous. We have used stereotypes for the sole purpose of making fun of them, which IMO, gives them less power.
    You talk a lot about being an individual, yet your comment is filled with combating labels that society has placed on you vis-a-vis your Asian American heritage. Why do you care about these labels if you’re truly an individual? They don’t/shouldn’t apply to you and you shouldn’t take them personally.
    We (the writers of TSC) are not good at math either, we don’t break dance, and dare I say, we don’t pick fights with anyone because 1.) We’re probably cowardly and 2.) We know better and have better things to do. And I don’t think that makes me feminized at all. We know of many Asians who too don’t fit the mold, ourselves being the main examples, and we could care less about the stereotypes that are placed on us. The article is a satire about an Asian man’s main selling points, and it would behoove you to take it as such, not as an article that defines everything you are or everything you’re not.

    casanovaruffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 19 09 at 1:21 am
    Entertaining article!

    Asian Male RevolutionsNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Feb 18 10 at 7:59 pm
    I loved your article, it’s so funny! :D
    I would grab the next door asian guy if there was one (there are very very few of them here where I live). But I already liked asians before reading your article (guess what I typed on Google to find you guys xD), so I’m not sure if you actually suceeded. :P

    NoodleNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 09 10 at 7:26 am
    Thanks Noodle!

    Casanova RuffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 09 10 at 7:35 am
    Wow!! Really funny in a good way. I have never dated an Asian Guy before, but my BESTFRIEND is Korean (born and raised in S. Korea). He keeps telling me to date an Asian guy, but I am not sure. I guess, I am scare of meeting the parents and getting rejected. Well, I might just give it a try. By the way I am half American and half Mexican.

    RosarioNo Gravatar added these pithy words on May 13 10 at 12:27 am
    Please date one of us, Rosario Dawson.

    Casanova RuffinNo Gravatar added these pithy words on May 13 10 at 2:31 am
    I love Asian men, the culture, but it seems they prefer white women when dating outside their race! I wish there were more open minded Asian men out there willing to date black women, so we can kill that lil stereotype that black women are not a good choice for a mate! I have dated two Asian guys, and when it came down to getting serious..you know meeting each others parents and semi-blending our worlds..I became a problem, more like their dirty lil secret. NOT COOL.

    ChereeNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 30 10 at 2:06 pm
    I like asian guys but come on…. its seems your all either a FOB, gangster, or mommas boy. Where is the guy in the middle? When your family is talkin shit about your girl, stand up to them. Its a fairly simple concept. Your parents dont want you to do a non asian girl. So the only way you are going to change this is if you insist they accept it. Sorry about the rant but I have had it up to my skull.

    nunyaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jul 22 11 at 8:04 am
    I’ve been on 2 dates with a Korean doctor. I’m white. I don’t think we’ll be getting serious because well, I’m white. So it’s not just black girls that gotta worry. From what I’ve heard, most Asian men won’t marry outside their race, so you will always be the dirty little secret – unless his older brother already married within his race…then maybe you have a shot.

    Sucks that racism still denies love somewhere in the world everywhere.

    AsianDatingplzNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jan 03 12 at 6:20 pm
    just sayin i can name a movie where the asian protagonist wins the girl ” Romeo Must die”. the creepy guy that’s friends w/ bella from “Twilight Saga”

    tan_tanNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jan 17 12 at 8:44 am
    Who doesn’t love Asian men??

    LeeNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Jan 25 12 at 3:22 am
    I have dated a chinese man before. And, I just think it was one of the most disappointing encounters I have ever had!. He was fat, smelled really bad ALL THE TIME!, and had a TINY wheener!!!! Which was just weird because I thought the height factor and size of his feet would play a role in that but, I guess that really isn’t always the case.

    I tried encouraging him, getting him to go to the gym with me ( because, i enjoy working out) but, boy was that a task made for mother Teresa because, he’d always come up with one excuse or the other and when he WOULD WORK OUT it was only for about 10 mins? or less… then he’d come up with some excuse to leave… also, the body odor got worse when he worked out!!!!!… It was a weird smell too.. the kind that blind-sights you and makes your eyes tear up.. sorta like he’d wear dirty clothes…I’d have to hold my breathe sometimes when I looked in his direction. But, I had already coaxed him into working out ( which he’d been whining about ) I didn’t wanna imply that he smelled because, he would have probably thrown another bitch fit.

    Also, another thing I found weird was that; despite allllll this.. he never seemed to loose any weight! but appear to put on some more pounds the next time i’d see him!. LOL. He had a really found moon face too with a double chin!… imagine what that looked liked!… lol.

    There were other character issues (such as; really cheap!, wanted to take me out on a date with coupons! )… but, gosh, I just know I am NEVER dating another asian man EVER AGAIN! omg… never ever! again! terrible experience! by far!!!!!

    Anyway, I am sure there are other good looking asian guys out there who take better care of themselves but, I just know I’ll never go down that route again….

    miaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Feb 28 12 at 6:48 am
    I would happily date an asian man. FAct my family is surprized I haven’t brought one home. I’ve only been asked out by white, latino and black.

    PriscillaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Mar 07 12 at 7:36 am
    This is funny, mainly because my 110% Korean man, who was born in Korea but currently lives in America, has been terribly late to dates and is currently a pot-smoking “artist” hahaha

    A white girl dating a Korean guyNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 16 12 at 12:40 pm
    I totally love Asian guys I think those fob Chinese guys are the shit! But Jesus, every Chinese guy I run into is a douche! So attractive (to me at least) but doesn’t seem like I’m good enough to meet their parents or oldest friends. I’m always feeling like a mistress! Are they all assholes? Is a pretty white girl they love to fuck ever gonna be anything more than a shameful fetish to hide from society?

    seeeeeNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 21 12 at 10:02 pm
    I adore Asian men. Looking for one now. Me 30 something…. Where’s the hook up? :P fb K.Anne Henry

    K AnneNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 24 12 at 11:14 am
    This article was hilarious. I have always loved Asian guys. I love their looks, amazing skin and fab hair! My first choice will always be an Asian guy BUT so many of them are:
    1. obsessed with white women
    2. total assholes or
    3. some combination of 1&2.

    As a beautiful and accomplished black girl, I have white guys checking for me a LOT. I really really prefer Asian men… but it’s looking like I will either settle down with a white guy or remain forever alone. It really sucks!

    Sadly, I know that a lot of Asian guys will start to desire black women only once they realize that white men want us. After that, they will be thirsty for black girls. As for now, a lot of them will eyeball my body when they think I’m not looking, and then go and fawn all over an Asian girl (who has a strict Whites Only Policy like most Asian girls do) or stare longingly at a white girl who would not piss on them if they were on fire.

    Lonely GirlNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Apr 28 12 at 11:20 pm
    How much u weigh?

    Stand up guyNo Gravatar added these pithy words on May 02 12 at 2:00 pm
    See? Proving my point. Ugh.

    ANYWAY. I didn’t mean to sound bitter before. It’s not like I got absolutely nowhere with Asian men; I spend enough time going out on dates and stuff, it’s just hard to find Mr. Right. Oddly enough, I had a really fabulous night with a great Korean guy right after I posted my rant.

    I just don’t like that I have to be so assertive. I wish guys would approach me instead of me having to grab him by the lapels and tell him I like him.

    Lonely GirlNo Gravatar added these pithy words on May 09 12 at 7:08 pm
    Awesome article! I am a Kiwi girl from New Zealand and I have only dated Asian men. They are smart, sexy, cute, funny and really family orientated. Girls, take it from me, these guys are hoooooooooot in bed. You will NOT be disappointed ; P

    PenelopeNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Aug 28 12 at 8:47 pm
    Good article, though I’ve always have been attracted to Asians so the images are much appreciated. And it’s true white men, especially blonds and red-heads, always have an excuse for being late…when in reality they are cheating on you.

    SarahNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 06 12 at 6:16 pm
    Worthington, you are overthinking this. Most of us, when we are in our twenties, have love problems, and we try to explain these and vent our anger by blaming ourselves or the objects of our desire. So we scheme and theorize. But all these theories go out the window when we truly come to love someone. We are all individuals and want to be seen as such. So treat others as you want to be treated. Don’t generalize people based on their sex or race– and that includes yourself. You don’t need to advertise to the ladies. You’re a human being, not some commodity. Just live your life, being yourself. We all need to fight racism, sexism and classism, and let it start with you. I know this article is supposed to be amusing and I got a few chuckles, but please don’t encourage the idea that money, looks, penis size, etc. equate to human worth. Women with healthy minds don’t judge people, especially not based on these things. I hate seeing Asian men feeling rejected and down because of such utter nonsense.
    I have been married to an Asian man for 5 years and each year gets happier. Objectively I can see, he’s not the handsomest, he’s not remotely rich, his body is average, his intelligence– well it’s the same as mine, for what that’s worth. But subjectively– to me, no man is as attractive as my husband!! He’s perfect to me, for me, because I love him so much! He’s a good man, a kind man, warm, funny and keeps it real. He’s just like me!
    Everybody, give the defensiveness and judgmental mentality a rest, keep your heart and mind open and you’ll find real love. See the sexism, racism and classism for what they are and keep them out of your love life.

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    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added
    I get three emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service?

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    Consumo de electrodomesticos en españaNo Gravatar added these pithy words on Oct 11 16 at 9:13 am
    Well im ready to date an asian man… but i did hear they had little winkies. Is that true??

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