For Your Enjoyment | Some Super Bowl Prop Bets
WORDS BY KDOUBLE
For most of us, the Super Bowl is the culmination of another year of disappointment. I should know. I’m an Eagles fan and I think they pretty much wrote the book on disappointment, and then they came out with the movie followed by the American Pie -style bludgeoning of straight to DVD sequels. So how do the rest of us actually enjoy our Super Bowl viewing (assuming you’re not enjoying the unintentional comedy of a SAFMSBP?)
Prop bets! Of course! Print out these bets, arrive early to your party and get the gambling going. Prop bets are great because literally anyone can take part in them regardless of their interest in football, grasp of simple probabilities, or even ability to communicate beyond mouth clicks and rapid eye movements (I have friends that actually believe that Africans like me communicate like this.) There are literally hundreds of these bets such that the football degenerate can go crazy when a safety is scored (and pays him 10:1) AND the struggling slashie (mode/actress/ waitress/ reason to live) attending your party can take the over on how many times Hurricane Katrina will be mentioned. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?
I love this bet because I heart Kim K. Like my boy L-Dizzle likes to say, “I love me some Kim K. I’d drink her bathwater.” That’s saying something cuz L-Dizzle is a clean-ass dude! Let me first say that this may be the easiest money ever made on a bet in the history of mankind. Just imagine the scenario. After scoring, almost at will, on the Saints, the Colts will eventually have to punt. Appearance number 1 will come as Reggie struts onto the field and they show Kim holding her mom’s hand in anticipation of the big moment (I heard there is another place you can see Kim waiting for the big moment…) Appearance number 2 will come seconds after when they show her in agony as Reggie inexplicably fields a 5 second hang-timer and gets his ass knocked out worse than Snickers. The third appearance will come a few minutes after when she walks down to the sideline to dump him for Ryan Leaf (her logic: she may as well be with the biggest bust of all-time if she’s going to be with a bust, and its only a plus that he tried to get pain meds off his own student players.)
Bloggers note: I’m half kidding. I actually love Reggie Bush and used to have a man-crush on him. Let’s be clear though Reginald Alfred Bush: this is your chance to put all the haters to bed. You blow this, there may be no salvation left and Kim K may seriously dump your ass for a certain Bi-weekly-blogging, fake-sonnet-writing, Don-Cheadle-in-a -cowboy- hat looking dude like me.
The odds all favor Peyton Manning for good reason in this bet. I believe 50% of MVPs have been QBs and the Colts are 2:1 favorite to win the game so there you go. There is no value here unless you can bet against Peyton winning the MVP and on the Colts winning but with better odds for the Colts. You basically get every other player on the Colts for free on the bet with the only downside being that you could lose if Manning gets the MVP and the Saints win (a losing team player has been awarded the MVP only once and that was before the Super Bowl was big-time television and the thought of the awkwardness of that ceremony would be too awful for mass consumption). Since you won’t likely find this scenario, I like taking Pierre Garcon’. Think about it… The Saints will most likely roll Darren Sharper over to Reggie Wayne’s side leaving single coverage for Collie and Garcon much like they saw in the Jets game. Throw in the fact that Garcon is Haitian and you have a media over-hyped yet strangely compelling feel-good story (and @ 10:1 odds you could even take your baby mamma to White Castle on Valentines Day!). Damn, I’m really starting to like this bet. I implore you…mortgage your house, and when that’s only enough to pay for the cell-phone to call a bookie, do whatever it takes to get more money (sometimes you got to get your Bob Saget on to get things done.) I know its kind of a flyer to put your house on, but our fearless leaders in Washington will save you with a Super Bowl Prop Bet Bailout Fund and things will be all better.
How have I only just seen the Half Baked Bob Saget Remix?
Who is Pete Townshend and why is he stealing moves from Niq’ ?
The only windmill I care to see…
Are these Super Bowl bets part of the Economic Recovery Act? How on Earth is this line real? Have they been to Miami? Donte Stallworth drove over a guy after a night of partying in Miami and the guy plays in Cleveland. One Bengal gets arrested every week and they live in Cincinnati where Diddy doesn’t keep beachfront property (Diddy = random arrests.) Add in the fact that the guys from the Pro Bowl most likely just stayed down there and invited the Miami chapter of Skeezer-Skeezer-Delta to their hotel rooms. Um, yes… I think I’ll take the over. I’m gonna have to cut this blog short because I need to um, make a call….