Breaking Down Double Standards One Botched Three-Some at a Time
This was like me, except taller, darker, and not looking like Gilligan..
There are many double standards in society. For instance, men who frequent the beds of different women are described as pimps, players, hunters, or slayers. These descriptors tend to be positive. Conversely, women who frequent the beds of alot of guys are called sluts, whores, hoes, or my personal favorite: skoochies (skank hoochies). I’m not sure how these double standards happen, but I have to imagine all it takes is a little common sense and self reflection to change them. With that in mind, I’d like to reflect on something that happened to me on Saturday that has to be a rather easy one to change….
I was at a charity Fundraiser thrown by my girl L-Boogie. I was dancing with these two girls and things were going swimmingly. They were both elementary school teachers and I think their kids would have needed permission slips to watch them on that dance floor. Just good stuff all around. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen two white girls drop it like that since Elisha Dushku in Bring it On. At some point in the night this interaction happens…
- Girl #1 mistakenly (or so I thought) touches my stomach
- Girl #2 immediately asks “Hows it feel ?”
- Girl #1 replies “Soft”
- I try to grasp for any words besides “Hello kettle, this is pot. I’m black.”
- Girl #2 reaches herself and says “Ya, I thought it’d be better”
What’s that sound? That was the sound of that potential threesome getting flushed down the toilet(haha, in actuality my friends telling me I was finally going to have a threesome did me in, like talking to a pitcher in the bottom of the 9th of a perfect game). I’ll be real, I normally describe myself as “sneakily chubby” so its not a huge shocker that my goods fell short like the U.S. curling team. Funny enough, this isn’t the first time a girl said this to me. My maiden voyage into Shametown happened my junior year of college when a girl reached under my shirt mid-grind and said, “wow, i really thought there would have been a six pack”. Nope, Got ya beyatch! I mean, I really never felt bad because its really win-win for a guy in this situation. For some reason, I get the benefit of girls thinking I’m skinny while chicken-winging myself to a nice paunch belly and still get to slay the occasional sea donkey every once in a while. Why do 1000 sit-ups a day to look like “The Situation” ? So it’s never really that bad and I always laugh it off…but should I be so nonchalant ? Think of the Bizarro conversation that could take place between me, my boy Egbac who always seems to be there for these things , and some random girl.
Do we all have to get in the gym like The Situation ?
-Me clearly caressing her booty
-Egbac says “Hows it feel ?”
-I reply “I say goodaaaamn, I thought there would be some junk back here but this is like an episode of Sanford and Son”
-Ebgac replies “Even better !”
-Girl tries to grasp for words
What’s the sound now? That’s the sound of an actual toilet flushing after she vomits up dinner with the inspiration of her newly found eating disorder. There is 100% chance I would be the worst guy in the world if I said something like this to a girl, even jokingly right ? So ladies, unless you have a stomach like ‘Slave 4 U’ Britney, lay off the comments. We could develop eating disorders and start throwing up after chugging beers or too many Jameson shots…that would be weird.
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[...] that I was going to carve out a little sexy Webster’s(get it, definition!) for the summer. Girls are always telling me of their dissapointment when they see my stomach because they for some idiotic reason think i should have abs. Well now, [...]
Gettin’ your summer sexy on… | The Bourneville Chronicles added these pithy words on Apr 24 11 at 7:41 pmAlso, I hate it when things go “swimmingly.” And then it all goes “unswimmingly.”casanovaruffin
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
11:14 am
there should be a cool kiddie pool nickname for nights like that…maybe “poppin floaties”?Kdouble
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
11:17 am
I would not mind a night of poppin’ floaties, pause?casanovaruffin
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
11:34 am
In situations like that you have to throw all caution to the wind and turn that embarassment into resolve. “I thought it would be better” “Thats the last time you’ll be sayin that tonight sweetheart, now let’s all go back to mine so you two can school my ass.”Jcbowdon
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
1:49 pm
That’s genius…you may have to become my ghost game spitter.Kdouble
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
1:55 pm
I’ve Cyrano de Bergeraced before, but if you’ve got the game to pull two chicks worth getting into a threesome with you don’t need any assists, just remember: don’t let them see you sweat, until, you know, you’re going to work on them.Jcbowdon
added these pithy words on
Mar 03 10 at
11:26 pm
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