Lights, Camera, Action !
Girls at Party = Power Rangers
It has always struck me as the coolest/weirdest thing at a party. You’re there and a camera comes out in a group of girls. Then, all of a sudden, the picture lineup is formed and each girl instantaneously snaps into a well constructed pose as if they were not party goers but, in fact, members of an all-girl super hero group from Saturday morning cartoons. From best I can tell, there are 4 main poses that I’ve noticed over the years of sitting in the corner of parties and facebook stalking. Here’s what I got….(these pics are mainly from 2 other really good blogs: Barstool Sports and The Chive)
Exhibit Sorority Girl #1
Level of Sexy: 4
Reasoning: Presumably this pose best highlights childlike enjoyment of being around your friends, but it is dubious since I’ve observed that 70% of female friends aren’t actually friends and wouldn’t know what a friend was if it walked up and shanked her. More likely, this is a good stance for judging the crap out of the girl next to you. That would seem to make more sense.
Exhibit Sorority Girl #2
All kidding aside, this may be my favorite pose. It captures the joy of youth and wearing thongs to the gym just because. Normally done by big groups of sorority sisters or older girls trying to remember what it was like to have gappy legs. I only give it a 4 on the sexy scale because its not really as revealing or as suggestive as the other members of this illustrious group. I mean, I guess you get a little front cleavage and a playful smile but that’s not like you gettting a little side-boob or dare I say under-boob. Still, this has the ability to fill the seats. Any time you get 19 year old co-eds touching elbows and giggling, I think your probably doing ok. Still, don’t get it twisted, the sorority girl can also be dominated on a stand alone basis. Check out this low angle spank view below. This pose tends to be rare nowadays in my late 20’s nyc life, and I cry for those days…like “loud-I-just-found-out-a-girl-pulled-the-goalie-on-me” tears.
Exhibit Sorority Girl #3
Exhibit Swanky #1
Key Characteristics: Outside arm straight, Inside or Outside Leg seductively thrust forward , head tilted 30 degrees toward the picture, very versatile and can be used in any part of the picture lineup
Level of Sexy: 6
Reasoning: Most likely, girls started doing this pose to show how they can relax and be casual. But I don’t buy it. I think this pose is one of the best tools in the arsenal of smokes and mirrors that girls have mastered over the years. This pose is a miracle of geometry. The head tilt allows hiding of any weird 3rd chins or unsightly neck wrinkles(those freak me out). The contorting of the torso along with the leg thrust creates optimal body shape. Well done young ladies, well done.
Exhibit Swanky #2
By far the most versatile of the poses, the swanky leg is probably the go-to for most girls. Its elegant in its simplicity. I think when a girl comes out of the womb, they hand her a vagina and the ability to swanky leg. Its just innate. Whats their not to love about this pose ? I’m a lower half kind of guy so throwing the leg out makes my little guy happy. Still, the true beauty of this pose can’t be detected by the untrained eye. Look at Exhibit Swanky 2. Try to peel your eyes off her rack and look to the lower right quadrant of the photo. Her arm dangles over it but what I’m referring to is some of the best side-to-junk ratio you will ever see. Damn, I swear it looks like a question mark. Filthy. It’s like any great player really. The best part of the swanky leg is that it makes it teammates better…. it accentuates the side-to-junk.
Sunz Out Gunz Out Exhibit #1
Key Characteristics: Outside arm perfectly set akimbo, Leg slightly forward, Outside leg slightly bent, uncomfortable combination of sucking it in and thrusting the twins out, best utilized by the end piece in a line of girls
Level of Sexy: 9
Reasoning: More Houdininess.
Sunz Out Gunz Out Exhibit #2
Shakespeare once wrote, “Frailty, thy name is woman!”. I’m not saying he was right or wrong but I am saying that he said this before the invention of digital cameras. Because, no reasonable person can analyze the “Sunz Out Gunz Out” and not recognize the unbelievable ingenuity and determination of females. This pose just reeks of defiance. How dare you squeeze me to the end of the line ? This pose is the emphatic response. It’s really a picture stealer no matter how you look at it. Thrusting out the twins may as well have eliminated the face of the girl next to it. The arm out/suck in does more optical illusion than David Blaine’s levitation. Good lord is that side boob? Yes, yes it is my friend. This pose has side boob all over it. Also a great combo pose that goes best with my final and most powerful of poses….(just for kicks, check out this SITTING “Sunz Out Gunz Out” !)
Exhibit Money Shot #1
Key characterisitics: Money maker promptly displayed, playful look over the shoulder, a room full of erections
Level of Sexy: 865
Reasoning: Because all the craziness they put the world through, sometimes women like to remind us why they own the world and everything in it. Why kid around ? They’re just showing the goods. Its no frills, no nonsense, and no mercy.
Exhibit Money Shot #2
I cannot fully express to you how hard it is to write this blog right now. It’s like when I used to try and do homework in college but would have to stop whenever Christina Aguilera’s Dirty video would come on (and by stop, I, of course, mean grab my computer and Kleenex.) Ahh the money shot. Obviously, since I’m a lower-half lover, this pose has to be number 1 on the list. And oddly enough, I think I was largely unaware of it for so long. I actually had a girl I was seeing tell me about this pose and name it (you’d think that would mean keeper, but while she possessed a rap video body, she also had “I definitely own a knife” eyes and that crazy trick had just got through offing Steve McNair so I got shook.)
Exhibit Money Shot #3
As I said, this is as direct as girls do it. This is no chicanery over here. Straight fastball down the middle, Major League style: If you hit it, you can name it. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a bad money shot picture. Only girls who have great asses and know they have great asses dare attempt it so we’re really only seeing the cream of the crop. This pose screams “I lack common female insecurity” or maybe it whispers “I need attention.” Either way, you want to make sure you cling to Money Shot worthy girls or at a minimum have the decency to stalk them.
Exhibit Money Shot #4
The other thing I love about he money shot is its versatility. Its definitely the favorite to be used in any combination pose. Checkout Exhibit 4 for the combo “Sorority Girl-Money Shot.” Or, checkout the much higher degree of difficulty “Sunz Out Gunz Out-Money shot” combo in exhibit 5.
Exhibit Money Shot #5
I mean , this doesn’t even look possible. Short of being the girl with the spinning head in The Exorcist, I’m not even sure how this gets pulled off. I guess I’m not supposed to ask questions, just supposed to appreciate the crap out of it.
I’m not sure what combo this is, but I had to end with it. I think this is the best picture I have ever seen a non famous woman take and I think it single handedly just cured the hangover that’s had me in the fetal position the entire day.
KDeezy. Out.
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Comments ( 6 )
I can confirm that girls practice these poses in groups of 4-5 when not out at clubs/keggers/barbeques/pool parties/get-togethers/tailgates/any and all generic party functions where two or more females are present, based on evidence found in their domiciles.Jcbowdon
added these pithy words on
Mar 08 10 at
11:06 am
do they really practice as a team? I’m stunned. I figured it was individual preference that sort of just worked out when the curtain was pulled up….wow, im learningKdouble
added these pithy words on
Mar 08 10 at
1:35 pm
You got it right on the individual preference thing. They can do some quick ad libs, but most of it takes time. And I’m not saying they choreograph this stuff, but height organization, positioning, and degree of raunch a girl will pose with is often determined in an apartment or dorm room as a time saver. These aren’t official things, but the kinks are often worked out at these informal gatherings and are perfected for “the big show.” I once saw a series of photographs taken over a single evening that showed a clear arc of progression from jumbled assortment to a perfectly posed composition that denoted light-hearted good times and sisterhood. That head tilt shit just happens though.Jcbowdon
added these pithy words on
Mar 08 10 at
1:57 pm
The same way that birds know to migrate south, girls are born knowing these four poses and when to use them.JessCe
added these pithy words on
Mar 08 10 at
2:32 pm
added these pithy words on Double, I believe that last one is a cross between the Money Shot, Sunz Out Gunz Out, and one that you did not mention: The Jersey Shore. The Jersey Shore is strictly a big-lipped kissy face shot, often with the head tilted slightly to the side and the chin held high, performed by both men and women. It is not as popular among mainstream American teenage girls, but it dominates the boardwalk among 20 and 30-year old guidos and guidettes.Conor
added these pithy words on
Mar 08 10 at
5:35 pm
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