Chelsea Handler’s diet consisted of vodka & Doritos | [Celebitchy]
Jake Gyllanhaal Beats Up Girls of the Day | [Drunken Stepfather]
Woman accidentally texts cop to come do drugs with her | [Regretful Morning]
MAGICIAN JAMES ‘THE AMAZING’ RANDI: I’M GAY | [Towelroad]
Kate Moss Nude Pictures from Vogue Homme | [Egotastic]
Why Online Shopping Seduces You Into Overspending (and How to Stop) | [Lemon Drop]
Texas Congressman: I made ‘baby killer’ remark | [CNN]
Passed | [The High Definite]
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase III: Surviving Black Friday
You are at about t-minus twenty four hours before your greatest meal of the year. I hope you’ve planned and prepared by reading through Phases I and II. Now you have to realize that the clock is winding down quickly, and heading out into the wild with fully-formed strategy but no practical survival skills, you will find that all your planning will go to naught.
So, without further ado, The Steel Closet Presents the third (and probably most critical) portion of The Black Friday Survival Guide. Welcome to Phase III: Surviving Black Friday.
Become the protege to Bear Grylls and Les Stroud after the jump.
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase II: Preparing for Black Friday
Congratulations soldier, you’ve got your Plan from Phase I and now you’re ready to enter Phase II – Preparation. Unlike Phase I, which consisted mainly of strategy, Phase II is more concerned with your figuring out your tactics on the ground. With the proper preparation, your survival is almost guaranteed.
Phase II – Preparation
Learn how to prepare after the jump.
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase I: Planning for Black Friday
Doing homework isn’t just for 3rd graders anymore.
PHASE I: Planning.
A. Anti-retard yourself.
Let’s get one myth out of the way. Black Friday is NOT for smart shoppers. If you had half a brain and even less money, you’d realize that Black Friday is for suckers.
Begin your training after the jump.
Steel Closet Exclusive: The Black Friday Survival Guide
Welcome, Closeteers, to The Steel Closet’s definitive guide to surviving the apocalyptic consumption stampede that’s affectionately come to be known as “Black Friday.”
Anyone stupid enough or brave enough (or both) to shake off the lingering effects of the trytophan to go out shopping the day after Thanksgiving knows that it is not for the faint of heart. For the uninitiated, warding off hordes of bargain junkies and early-bird holiday shoppers is a task that is draining, treacherous, and sometimes deadly.
Some of you are seasoned veterans, who’ve made many a foray against the raging forces of consumerism. Some of you are newbs, who can’t tell the difference between a doorbuster and a doorknob if it were camping out in front of you at Best Buy. This guide is designed for both. For the rookies, we’ll ground you in solid basics for finding and securing the gifts you want. For our more experienced operators, you’ll get new tips to outsmart and outmaneuver those other wily terro- I mean, shoppers.
Stay tuned for today’s post, the first in a four-part series, and we’ll be throwing up the new installments every day up to The Big Day.
Part I – Plan for Black Friday (Monday, Nov.24)
Part II – Prepare for Black Friday (Tuesday, Nov.25)
Part III – Survive Black Friday (Wednesday, Nov.26)
Part IV – White Saturday (Thursday, Nov.27)
As always, feel free to add your tips in our comment boxes. Hope you all enjoy!
The Best Bad Idea EVER.
As people scale back on their expenses during the current economic crunch, more and more folk (myself included) are eating out less and cooking more meals at home. In response, the Fast Food Nation is spending more advertising dollars advocating the value of their meals, informing you that you’ll spend roughly the same amount of money at the grocery store, but you’ll save time on prepping and cooking. Time is money, remember?
So I decided to give KFC’s new Guitar Hero Fully Loaded Meal a whirl. My God, was it a mistake.
Details, and pics, after the jump.
Awesome party shirts.
Also, while the laws vary from state to state, it looks like a lot of polling areas will NOT allow political clothing or paraphernalia while you are making important decisions by punching holes into a piece of paper. To avoid negating your contribution to society, just wear something neutral or cover up at the voting site. Your civic duties are more important than your looks, bottom line. So you can believe in and vote for whatever you want, you just can’t express it visually on the day that you’re going to officially turn in your “I support _______” ballot. America, fuck yeah!
I guess that means that you can’t wear The Cobra Snake’s awesome new election tees either. It’ll offend Green Party Candidates, Ralph Nader, animals that aren’t mules or pachyderms, and fat people, seeing as how the biggest size they offer is a MEN’S MEDIUM. At least it’s not a sackriding, bandwagoning endorsement of a certain other candidate in this election.
Fast backward in time