Black Friday Absurdity | Panda Express and Nintendo DS Spa
Like I mentioned before, I didn’t really go heavy this year on Black Friday shopping. However, I was at the malls from 5-10ish. I think I realized why I scaled back my Thansgiving shopping when I was out that night. It’s completely ridiculous. For example, we strolled into the food court of the Westfield and almost all of the restaurants were open. There were two in particular that boggled my mind: Panda Express and Tommy’s Burgers. There are several occasions when you at these two establishments. You might wake up in the middle of the afternoon and need to satisfy a craving. You might haven’t eaten all day and there’s nothing else around. But who in their right mind would eat Panda Express or Tommy’s in 8 A.M. in the morning?!?! That’s the obesity epidemic in effect.
Another interesting but not so outrageous attraction was the Nintendo DS Spa. It turns out that it’s Nintendo’s way of soothing the shopping aches of the holidays. The security at Westfield are photograph Nazis,
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase III: Surviving Black Friday
You are at about t-minus twenty four hours before your greatest meal of the year. I hope you’ve planned and prepared by reading through Phases I and II. Now you have to realize that the clock is winding down quickly, and heading out into the wild with fully-formed strategy but no practical survival skills, you will find that all your planning will go to naught.
So, without further ado, The Steel Closet Presents the third (and probably most critical) portion of The Black Friday Survival Guide. Welcome to Phase III: Surviving Black Friday.
Become the protege to Bear Grylls and Les Stroud after the jump.
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase II: Preparing for Black Friday
Congratulations soldier, you’ve got your Plan from Phase I and now you’re ready to enter Phase II – Preparation. Unlike Phase I, which consisted mainly of strategy, Phase II is more concerned with your figuring out your tactics on the ground. With the proper preparation, your survival is almost guaranteed.
Phase II – Preparation
Learn how to prepare after the jump.
The Black Friday Survival Guide, Phase I: Planning for Black Friday
Doing homework isn’t just for 3rd graders anymore.
PHASE I: Planning.
A. Anti-retard yourself.
Let’s get one myth out of the way. Black Friday is NOT for smart shoppers. If you had half a brain and even less money, you’d realize that Black Friday is for suckers.
Begin your training after the jump.
Steel Closet Exclusive: The Black Friday Survival Guide
Welcome, Closeteers, to The Steel Closet’s definitive guide to surviving the apocalyptic consumption stampede that’s affectionately come to be known as “Black Friday.”
Anyone stupid enough or brave enough (or both) to shake off the lingering effects of the trytophan to go out shopping the day after Thanksgiving knows that it is not for the faint of heart. For the uninitiated, warding off hordes of bargain junkies and early-bird holiday shoppers is a task that is draining, treacherous, and sometimes deadly.
Some of you are seasoned veterans, who’ve made many a foray against the raging forces of consumerism. Some of you are newbs, who can’t tell the difference between a doorbuster and a doorknob if it were camping out in front of you at Best Buy. This guide is designed for both. For the rookies, we’ll ground you in solid basics for finding and securing the gifts you want. For our more experienced operators, you’ll get new tips to outsmart and outmaneuver those other wily terro- I mean, shoppers.
Stay tuned for today’s post, the first in a four-part series, and we’ll be throwing up the new installments every day up to The Big Day.
Part I – Plan for Black Friday (Monday, Nov.24)
Part II – Prepare for Black Friday (Tuesday, Nov.25)
Part III – Survive Black Friday (Wednesday, Nov.26)
Part IV – White Saturday (Thursday, Nov.27)
As always, feel free to add your tips in our comment boxes. Hope you all enjoy!
Fast backward in time
