WORDS BY OWEN JAVELLANA

As I sit here people-watching at the Serramonte Mall in Daly City, a thought occurred to me: I must look pretty stupid with my laptop out at McDonald’s, but Starbucks had no tables and I like the smell of fries, dammit. Then another, more relevant thought occurred to me: The mall would make great material for another list of vaguely helpful, random observations.

1. I’m sure it says something about the laziness of today’s society that everyone goes out of their way to use the automatic handicap doors at the entrance, but it makes me feel like I have Jedi powers, so fuck it.

2. The difference between a “good” parking space and a “bad” parking space is like 15 seconds of walking. Don’t get an aneurism over a 20 yard difference. It’s shopping, not the NFL.

3. If you’re at a mall and it’s 10am, you’re either A) working, or B) very, very old.

4. While I feel guilty for ignoring people at mall kiosks, I think it’s the natural reaction to a stranger trying to make me “feel his pillow” or “wear his moisturizer.”

5. Any restaurant with “Express” in its name is probably not culturally authentic.

6. Don’t fool yourself. A Cinnabon is too huge to be a snack. And it’s not a meal, unless you consider “five desserts” a meal.
 

11 Comments / Oct 20.09 / Etcetera, Originals / by Casanova Ruffin