Congratulations soldier, you’ve got your Plan from Phase I and now you’re ready to enter Phase II – Preparation. Unlike Phase I, which consisted mainly of strategy, Phase II is more concerned with your figuring out your tactics on the ground. With the proper preparation, your survival is almost guaranteed.

Phase II – Preparation

Learn how to prepare after the jump.

No Comments / Nov 25.08 / Etcetera, Tips / by Worthington

Behold the infamous TURBACONDUCKEN!

I suppose this post is appropriate as we approach Fatty Week. Before we get into it, I want to make clear that I’m not a fan of turkey. I think it’s the driest meat that America has ever put on a pedestal. Another famous white meat that America places on a pedestal is McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets. But we all know that once they pulled the dark meat from the McNugget selection, McDonald’s had nothing to brag about and we all discovered In ‘N Out Burgers shortly after. I also don’t show any favor towards ham or meatloaf. However, honey-glazed ham I can tolerate.

Let’s get to it!

1. Stuffing

This one’s a given. There’s usually one day out of the year, two if you have leftovers, when we eat this stuff. We don’t know what it is or what’s in it. We suspect there’s bits of okra or celery, but for the most part, we like it and that’s all we care about. It is best described as an orgy of mysterious flavors but the taste is usually the same across the board. For example, Stovetop has turkey flavor and chicken flavor stuffing, which is basically the same thing marketed toward different demographics.*

*no actual proof of this

2. Pumpkin Pie  

8 Comments / Nov 25.08 / Digressions, Etcetera / by Casanova Ruffin

Doing homework isn’t just for 3rd graders anymore.

PHASE I: Planning.

A.    Anti-retard  yourself.

Let’s get one myth out of the way. Black Friday is NOT for smart shoppers. If you had half a brain and even less money, you’d realize that Black Friday is for suckers.

Begin your training after the jump.

4 Comments / Nov 24.08 / Etcetera, Tips / by Worthington

Welcome, Closeteers, to The Steel Closet’s definitive guide to surviving the apocalyptic consumption stampede that’s affectionately come to be known as “Black Friday.”

Anyone stupid enough or brave enough (or both) to shake off the lingering effects of the trytophan to go out shopping the day after Thanksgiving knows that it is not for the faint of heart. For the uninitiated, warding off hordes of bargain junkies and early-bird holiday shoppers is a task that is draining, treacherous, and sometimes deadly.

Some of you are seasoned veterans, who’ve made many a foray against the raging forces of consumerism. Some of you are newbs, who can’t tell the difference between a doorbuster and a doorknob if it were camping out in front of you at Best Buy. This guide is designed for both. For the rookies, we’ll ground you in solid basics for finding and securing the gifts you want. For our more experienced operators, you’ll get new tips to outsmart and outmaneuver those other wily terro- I mean, shoppers.

Stay tuned for today’s post, the first in a four-part series, and we’ll be throwing up the new installments every day up to The Big Day.

Part I – Plan for Black Friday (Monday, Nov.24)
Part II – Prepare for Black Friday (Tuesday, Nov.25)
Part III – Survive Black Friday (Wednesday, Nov.26)
Part IV – White Saturday (Thursday, Nov.27)

As always, feel free to add your tips in our comment boxes. Hope you all enjoy!

No Comments / Nov 24.08 / Shopping, Tips / by Worthington